Burst Wide Open
by blueaeryn1
Summary: In her darkest hour of grief, Peyton finds hope and faith, and a chance to change the past, from an unlikely source.
1. Chapter 1

Her hand shook as she buckled the strap on her sedate black heel. It was the second time in over a year she had worn this dress and again the occasion was a somber one. She closed her eyes wiling herself to be strong, to put on the brave face. After all, she was used to this, right?

But how could anyone be ready for this? To be used to this? She just couldn't catch a break.

"It's my dream," she heard herself whisper from some long distant memory. "It was our dream," she said aloud in the present. "And now it's gone."

She looked in the mirror. The black dress only accentuated her pale features and frail state. She was rail thin, too thin. She was sure people would comment on her state. She could just imagine the whispers. See the sympathy and sadness in their eyes.

She wanted none of it - none of it. She picked up a bottle of perfume and was preparing to spray her wrists when she looked back in the mirror again. The pain, the anguish, the unfairness of this life overcame her and she hurled the bottle of perfume at the mirror and watched it shatter.

Shards scattered around her and when she looked back in the mirror she saw only half of her reflection. What a metaphor it made, for she was only half a person.

"People say we are like twins," she heard his voice say from her memory. Two halves of the same person, but now one half would have to live a half life.

A soft cry tore her gaze from the splintered reflection. She rushed to the other side of the room to peer down at the tiny infant in the crib beside their, no her, bed. She was crying softly and trying to stuff her tiny fist in her mouth.

Her heart began to melt. She leaned down and scooped up her three-month old daughter. She unhooked her dress and exposed her creamy white breast, allowing her child to latch on and began suckling. She stroked the baby's fine blonde hair as the infant nursed.

She was sure she would burst wide open from the grief if not for the child in her arms. They say God doesn't give someone more then they can handle, and though she didn't have much use for a God that would do this to her, she was grateful he had graced her with her daughter. Her daughter kept her from walking into the bathroom, extracting the razor blade from his razor, and slitting her wrists.

Even in her darkest moments, she had never thought of taking her life. Sure she had tempted fate, running all those red lights and speeding through Tree Hill in that black Comet like the devil himself was chasing her. But she always saw herself as too strong to take her own life.

She wasn't so sure about her strength these days. But then she would look into her baby daughter's piercing blue eyes and see all the strength she needed. She couldn't abandon her daughter, die and leave her, like both her mother's did. She couldn't allow her to grow up without her mother's love. She had already been cheated of her father's love

She never imagined she would be barely 24-years-old, a successful record label owner, mother of an infant daughter and the widow of Lucas Scott. No, Peyton Sawyer-Scott never imagined any of this, never imagined all her dreams would come true and then have them stolen from her all in less then a year.

"If this isn't your dream then why don't we change it?" A voice said.

Peyton looked around but saw no one. She expected to look up and see her best friend Brooke Davis in the doorway to her bedroom, but she wasn't. No one was there.

"Who is there, Peyton said scooting off the bed, her daughter tucked safely in her arms. "I said who is there."

"Only someone who can change this," a voice said. She looked again to the doorway to find a young woman standing there. She had soft blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes and Peyton was sure she was looking at herself.

"How can anyone change this?" Peyton questioned. The grief was overwhelming her again.

"If you want something bad enough, anything is possible," the young woman said. "I came to help you find answers, to change all of this."

"You can't change death," Peyton said weakly.

"Can't you," the young girl questioned. "Can't you?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Listen, I don't know who you are, but you need to leave," Peyton said in a raised voice. Her loud tone caused her daughter to stir slightly in her arms and Peyton turned and placed the infant in her crib. Peyton stood in front of the baby blocking the child from the woman she now believed to be crazy.

"You want to know who I am," the young woman questioned.

"Not really," Peyton replied crossing her arms in front of her. She was in protective mother mode, a role that didn't take her long to adapt to. "I just want you to leave."

"I can't do that," the young woman told her.

"Oh, I think you can," Peyton said advancing on her. She took the young girls arm and instantly felt a jolt of energy she had never felt before. It was a jolt of familiarity and it also hinted at sadness and loss.

Peyton retreated, a look of shock and mild horror on her face. "What just happened," she exclaimed.

"You just touched a future you never had," the young woman said. "How did it feel?"

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Peyton began to drag in deep ragged breaths. She was dealing with the greatest loss of her life, even more so then losing two mothers, and she didn't know if she could deal with some psycho mind fucking her.

"Peyton don't you get it?" The young woman's face grew soft. "Don't you see?"

"No, I don't," she almost screamed but lowered her voice mindful of her baby daughter. "That is why I am asking."

"I am your daughter, Peyton," she told her.

Peyton instantly looked to her slumbering child. There are times in your life when you try to comprehend the unexplainable and it is then you realize how small you are in the universe. This was such a time.

"You are telling me you are my daughter, Sawyer," it was a mixture of a question and a statement.

"No," the young woman shook her head. "I am the daughter you never had."

"Okay, what the hell," Peyton was fuming.

"Do you remember that night in L.A. when Lucas proposed and you said no?" The young woman asked.

"Okay, first I didn't say no," Peyton held up her finger. She hated when people got that wrong. There was a big difference between no and someday. "Second," she held up a second finger. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's all about crossroads, Peyton," the young woman said. "The choices we make and the regrets we have to live with."

"I have enough regret I am living with," Peyton said as tears formed in her eyes. "I don't need some psycho coming here messing with me and reminding me all the years I wasted, years I could have spent with Lucas."

"But you can," the young woman's voice was calm. "You can have it all back."

"What?" Peyton spread her arms wide. "You gonna' play my guardian angel and take the last five days away? Stop him from being in that intersection when the driver swerved just a fraction and took everything away from me. Took my daughter's daddy from her."

"No, that is a path I can not change." The young girl's voice held sadness.

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" Peyton charged on her again. Her eyes were red, tears streaming down her face and she could feel the breath leaving her body and struggled to drag it back in. "What are you offering me?"

"A different path," the young girl continued cryptically.

"Will you just stop going round and round and just say it." Peyton brushed her hair from her face and clasped her hands behind her head.

"Alright," the young girl said. "Okay. But you may want to sit down." She moved her hand toward the bed.

Peyton complied easing herself on the bed and waiting for her to continue.

"I am your daughter, Peyton," the young woman began. "The daughter you could have had if you had said yes in that L.A. hotel room all those years ago. You and Lucas would have made love and you would have conceived me."

"What are you saying," Peyton couldn't hide her shock.

"I am that different path," the young girl said. "You and Lucas would decided later the next morning to be engaged for a year before marrying." The young girl looked wistful. "That is, until you found out you were pregnant. Then things changed for you, Peyton. Priorities changed. You decided Tree Hill was a place that held more then bad memories, it held your future."

"Gee, thanks for rubbing all this in," Peyton said in a sarcastic tone."So, what, I became the house wife of Tree Hill?"

"No," the young girl shook her head. "Do you really think Lucas would let you give up your dreams?" She smiled. "No, you still have parts of this life you know now. You have your record label but you also open a small art gallery where you showcase local artists, including your own."

"Why are you telling me this?" Peyton jumped up from the bed. "Why would you show me something I can never have?"

"Ah, but you can," the young girl offered. "All you have to do is follow me back to that hotel room six years ago and say yes when Lucas proposes."

"That's it," Peyton placed her hands on her hips. "I do that and I get it all back."

"Well, not everything." The young girl directed her gaze to the infant in the crib. "Go back and choose this path and you will have a baby, Peyton, well you will have me. But that child will never be born." The young girl pointed to the infant.

"What are you saying?" Peyton's eyes grew large.

"It is choice, Peyton," the young girl continued. "A crossroads. You can go back and have it all, you just can't have the child you call Sawyer. It won't be the right time for her to be born. She will cease to exist."

"And what, I go back and forget all this ever happened?"

"No, that will be your payment. You will remember it all."


	3. Chapter 3

"So you are standing there telling me I have to choose between my husband and my daughter?" Peyton shook her head. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes.

"I am telling you that you can still have it all, Peyton." The young girl grew sad. It was as if she understood Peyton's dilemma.

Peyton walked over to the crib where her daughter, Sawyer, lay. The infant had fallen asleep and she truly looked like an angel. She wore a tiny pink outfit and her fine blonde hair lay flat on her head making her look bald. Lucas had teased Peyton after Sawyer was born saying their daughter would be bald and Peyton slapped him and reminded him that their kid was great.

"I can't do it." Peyton shook her head no. It pained her to say it because saying no would doom her to a life of living without the love of her life. "How can I?"

"I am sorry, Peyton," was all the young girl would say.

"How can I?" Peyton kept replaying the question in her mind. She thought about that night in L.A. when a youthful Lucas, all of 19, got down on his knee in front of her. He was offering her not only his heart but his future. She knew the box held the ring that his uncle Keith had given his mom Karen when they had gotten engaged. She knew what it meant to Lucas to give it to her.

Just like that night in Lucas' father Dan's spare bedroom she felt the walls closing in. He wanted everything with her. And Peyton did love him but she was scared of what giving her heart completely would do to her, how it would hurt her if something happened to him, or if he left her. She needed time. Time to think, time to wrap her head around it, but the boy who had felt he was never good enough saw her indecision, her someday, as a no and he had left her; left her to regret that night and all the nights that passed after.

Yet, now stood a young girl claiming to be the daughter she never had, offering her a second chance. A chance to right the wrongs, a chance to spend a lifetime with Lucas Scott and not just a handful of years, but a dream has a price. And it seemed the price would be her baby daughter. The child she had carried in her womb for nine months, the child she felt kick for the first time, the child she and Lucas had pinned all their hopes on.

How could she deny Sawyer life just to get hers back?

"I know it is hard decision, Peyton." The young girl looked expectant. "But time is running out."

"So you are telling me this offer has a shelf life?" Peyton walked reluctantly away from her daughter's crib. "Make the decision now."

"I'm sorry, Peyton."

"Will you stop saying you are sorry." Peyton was growing furious. And then she regretted the outburst. "I'm sorry." She laughed slightly. "Now I am saying it."

"I understand your dilemma," the young girl tried to relate. "Giving up a child for your husband is a tough choice. But," the young girl began and then stopped.

Peyton could see what the young girl was thinking. Her bright blue eyes grew soft and she looked so much like Lucas at that moment Peyton felt her heart burst. She could see the girl saying you will loose one daughter but you will have me. Is that so bad?

"Just give me a second," Peyton said. She walked to her baby daughter's crib. She scooped up the child and held her close to her chest. She was so warm and soft and Peyton felt her breath quicken. All the memories of her short life flashed before Peyton's eyes and she began to weep. "Mommy loves you so much," Peyton said. "You will always be in my heart."

Peyton put the baby back in the crib and turned from her. "Let's go." She held out her hand to the young girl. The young girl clasped her hand around Peyton's and then there was a flash of light.

Peyton felt disoriented and shook her head slightly. Clearing her vision, she realized where she was. She was sitting in a rather uncomfortable chair in the corner of that infamous hotel room in L.A. Lucas was asleep on the bed and then she watched him stir. He smiled slightly when he saw her and then Peyton realized she held the ring box in her hand. History truly was repeating itself.

But was it the history she wanted to repeat or one she would change altering her future forever?


	4. Chapter 4

She could replay the conversation coming up without even a pause. How many nights had she lie awake wishing she could go back and change things? And now she had her chance.

Peyton grasped the ring box tighter as she watched Lucas get off the bed and walk toward her. He smiled sweetly, kneeled before her and took her hand that held the ring box, in his.

He looked so young and innocent. She could see in his eyes that he was both excited and nervous to ask her to marry him, never imagining that she would tell him someday.

But not today, no on this day, this chance to get it right, she would shock him with a different answer.

"You don't have to say anything, Lucas," Peyton said as she extracted her hand from his. She smiled softly at him, opened the ring box, took out the ring she knew had been Keith's he gave to Karen, and placed it on her left ring finger. "The answer is yes, Lucas. Yes I will marry you."

"Peyton," he said softy as Lucas took her hand again.

"That is, if you were intending to ask me to marry you?" She knew he was, she just couldn't help teasing him.

"Wow, you know how to steal a guys thunder," Lucas said as he leaned in to kiss her deeply. He lifted his head and nuzzled his nose with hers. "But yes, I want to marry you, Peyton Sawyer."

He jumped up and raised his hands high and then placed them behind his head. "I am marrying Peyton Sawyer," he yelled to no one particular. And then he looked back at her, gazing at her perfect green eyes.

"Yes you are, Lucas Scott." Peyton rose from the chair to join him in the middle of the room. She took his hand and led him to the bed. "Now, why don't you give me a preview of what I have in store for the rest of my life?" Peyton smiled seductively.

"I can do that," Lucas promised and followed her to the bed.

It was late, or early, however you looked at it. Peyton glanced at the clock beside the bed and saw it read 3:30 a.m. She had shared an intimate and heart-stopping evening with Lucas. He made love to her tenderly, drinking in everything about her, and she did the same.

For Lucas, or this youthful version of him, he saw a future that spread out for years to come. For Peyton, the one that held the memories of an almost 24-year-old and not the 19-year-old that Lucas saw, she knew life held an expiration date that could be called in at any time.

Loss made her think about Lucas, and how she had lost him. But it surprised her even more to have her thoughts quickly turn to her daughter, Sawyer. Her daughter. The one she left behind.

Instead of thinking of the limitless future should could now have with Lucas, Peyton thought of the sweet baby she had held in her arms, kissed softly and walked away from.

The memories wouldn't leave her and as each one flashed before her eyes, it was like a dagger in her heart. The fear Peyton felt when she sat in the doctor's office listening to the list of possible ailments that could be causing her pain. The sigh of relief mixed with fear when the doctor called to tell her that it wasn't cancer or any other dire illness plaguing her, no, her life wasn't ending she was carrying one.

Then the hours Peyton sat in her office staring at the old photograph of herself as a baby and her birth mother Ellie holding her just hours after she was born. Peyton went over and over in her mind if she should call Lucas in L.A. with the news or wait for him to come home. This was huge, life-changing news, and she wanted to tell him now. She couldn't wait.

She had her speech all planned out. A bit of teasing and then she would tell him he was going to be a father. She opened with how she didn't think she could call him her fiancé anymore and as she was trying to say how she would have to call him her baby daddy, when she broke down. All the stress, the sorrow and then joy of the day just overflowed.

Lucas, being Lucas and knowing her so well, knew just what to say when Peyton began to blabber on about how soon it was, and how she was very, very okay with it. He had just told Peyton he loved her, and in that instance, she knew it was going go be okay.

Peyton carried with her the memory of him coming home from L.A. and handing her the single rose. How he lovingly asked how she was and then bent down to give her tummy, where their baby nestled a soft kiss of hello to their unborn child.

The time after was a blur of excitement, doctor's visits, a small wedding with friends and family, ultrasound photos, the look on Lucas' face when he felt their baby move inside her for the first time and the joy they had in fixing the nursery for their daughter. Lucas had strutted around the hospital room all smiles and full of himself the day Sawyer was born. The first time he held their baby daughter in his arms Peyton knew that little girl had him wrapped around her finger. He began calling Peyton and Sawyer his girls and he could only stand to be away from them for a few hours before telling friends or family that he had to get home to his girls.

Peyton turned her head to look at the youthful Lucas, as she began to think of him in her head, and produced a sad smile. He was not the Lucas she shared these memories with. It was as if he was a totally different person – and in so many ways he was and would be.

It was then she remembered the words of the young girl who had visited her and set these events in motion. How Peyton saying yes in this hotel room in L.A. would lead to her conceiving a child. She lay her had on her flat abdomen wondering if at this very moment a new life was forming inside her.

She should be happy, right? She would have it all. She would have Lucas, she would change the future and the past and she would have a child. But this child, that she was now certain was forming inside her, could not replace the baby daughter she had abandoned.

So many times in her life, people who didn't know the true Peyton, had called her selfish. Had claimed her actions were to her benefit alone, but Peyton knew that wasn't true. She had always tried to put others first, and in her heart, she knew her actions was selfless. But on this day, Peyton proved all those people right. She had selfishly taken away her daughter Sawyer's life in exchange for a new path for hers.

Peyton looked one last time at Lucas, slumbering peacefully beside her, and got up from the bed. She walked over to the window and looked out at the L.A. skyline.

"I can't do this," Peyton whispered. "I love Lucas with my whole heart, but I can't take away who Sawyer was supposed to be just so I can be happy. I could never live with myself."

"No, Peyton, don't say that." Peyton heard the young girl who had started this journey for her say. "Don't say that."

"I am sorry," Peyton said as she placed her hand on her abdomen. Wishing to go back, to not accept this life was taking away a chance for another daughter of hers not to live, but Peyton knew that she could only concern herself with the daughter she knew, Sawyer. Not the promise of a daughter that never was.

"I am sorry," Peyton said again. "Take me back, this isn't right."

A flash jolted Peyton and she closed her eyes. She felt dizzy and disoriented when she opened her eyes again, and felt relief and sadness when she saw her bedroom in the house Lucas and she shared. Looking over, Peyton saw Sawyer sleeping peacefully in the crib beside her bed.

Peyton walked over to the crib and stroked her baby daughter's fine hair. "Mommy is sorry," Peyton said softly. "But I am back now. You are back now."

"Hey babe," Peyton heard an all too familiar voice say. "I am heading out, do you still need me to pick up those diapers?"

Lucas Scott appeared in the doorway of their bedroom.

Peyton's eyes grew wide, she whispered his name, and then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Her eyes began to flutter as a soft voice whispered her name.

"Peyton," the all too familiar voice said softly. She felt a hand stroke her hair and warm breath on her cheek. "That's it, baby, I see your eyes fluttering. Come around."

Peyton opened her eyes slowly, and as the blurriness cleared, she was staring into crystal blue eyes. It startled her and she sank further in the bed. It couldn't be true and she wouldn't let herself believe he was here. Yet, she felt his hand on her forehead and then his lips on her cheek.

"You gave me a scare," he chuckled. "I come in to tell you I am headed out for some errands and you faint straight away."

"Lucas?" She allowed herself a question. "How are you here?" How was he, she thought.

"Last time I checked, I live here." Lucas leaned back. "Don't I? Unless you are trying to tell me something?" He chuckled at his little joke. As if Peyton would ever ask him to leave her again.

"No, Lucas, that's not what I mean." Peyton lifted herself up from the bed on her elbows. And then fear settled deep inside her. Fear for what was going on, what could have changed and what she may have lost. "Where is Sawyer?" She asked in a panic.

"Over there in her crib sleeping, unless you woke her up." Lucas jutted his head over to the crib beside their bed. "And I know how you feel about her, I am just the same, but don't you think it is time for her to sleep in her own room?"

Peyton looked over at the crib and craned her neck to see her baby daughter sleeping peacefully. She breathed a sigh of relief until she saw the calendar beside the bed. Peyton began leaving a calendar beside her bed after Sawyer was born so she could jot down her daughter's feeding times, her doctor's appointments and other things in her and Lucas' busy schedule. It was how she noticed the date. Large X's marked off the days and the black day in her life was left blank. Today was the day; the day Lucas died.

"Hey, if you are feeling better, I am going to head out," Lucas told her moving from the bed. "I have to pick that stuff up for you."

"No," Peyton practically screamed. "You can't go anywhere. Promise, you will stay with me today. Don't leave the house."

"Peyton, are you okay?" He sat beside her on the bed.

"I can't explain it," Peyton tried to cover for her outburst. "I just have this bad feeling, Don't leave me, Lucas. Please, don't leave me."

"Okay," Lucas said trying to hide his concern. He had never seen Peyton like this. His independent fireball of a wife loved him, he knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt now, but he had never seen her so vulnerable.

"I love you, Lucas," Peyton said weakly. "You know that?" She leaned in and kissed him softly.

He smiled as she kissed him. It was their thing, reminding each other of their love, as they had both lost each other at times in their life. "I love you, you know that?" was their way of putting things in focus, that no matter what was going on in their lives, they had each other.

They broke from their kiss allowing Lucas to look into her deep green eyes. "I love you too, Peyton, always and forever."

He got up from the bed and Peyton's eyes grew big.

"Where are you going?" Her voice was a near panic.

"I am going to call Nathan and tell him I can't make it," Lucas laughed lightly. "Then I am going to see if Haley is willing to pick up the stuff we need from the store and bring it by since you have put me on house arrest today."

"Okay," Peyton said satisfied. "But hurry back."

Lucas simply smiled at her and shook his head.

Peyton lay back on the bed and drew in a deep breath and sighed. She didn't know how this second chance was handed back to her but she was going to grab it with both hands and never let go.

She placed her hands on her abdomen and a jolt of awareness hit her. She thought about the other life and the other child she gave up to be here. There was a sense of something to come, a storm brewing, but she brushed it aside. She was here, Lucas was here and her baby daughter, Sawyer, slept in the crib beside her. It was all she knew, and all she wanted to know.

Peyton felt her eyes grow heavy as sleep began to claim her. She was in that middle ground between being awake and sleep when she heard someone say, "It's not that easy, Peyton. Did you think it would be?"


	6. Chapter 6

Peyton Sawyer Scott had always lived her life fearful of happiness. She supposed it was because she believed people always left her – and she had proof. Two dead mothers, a father that was always off on a job when she was growing up, a found brother who immediately was deployed to a far-off country, and then there was the love of her life – Lucas Scott. He was, she supposed, the anomaly, because though he had left her, Lucas Scott was the only one that came back - in more ways then one.

It had been almost three months since the "incident" she had taken to calling it. The time when she found herself drug into the past, watched her future change and found her self in a new present. A present in which her husband, Lucas, hadn't died in a car crash leaving her with a three-month old daughter.

Lucas still worried about her, as she constantly fretted over his well-being. Peyton had never told him about what had happened to her. She was sure if she did, he would immediately make an appointment for her to see the closest psychologist. So, she kept it in, living with what she had seen, what she had almost lost.

Peyton was feeding her daughter Sawyer, when she felt a wave of nausea hit her. It was a bright spring morning and Lucas was in the kitchen making coffee and Peyton yelled for him.

"What is it?" Lucas came jogging into the living room, his eyes wide.

"Can you take her?" Peyton handed their six-month old daughter to her father, juggling the bottle in her hand as she did.

Lucas took Sawyer and placed her on his hip and watched perplexed as Peyton rushed to the bathroom. He heard violent retching and followed the noise.

The bathroom door was closed but he could hear Peyton throwing up. He knocked lightly on the door with his free hand. "Peyton, you okay?"

"Just a minute," Peyton said from behind the door. Lucas heard the toilet flush and then water running in the sink and two minutes later Peyton emerged. She was pale and her eyes were red around the edges.

"Peyton, this is the third morning in a row this has happened," Lucas informed her. "You don't think," he began and then looked down at their daughter.

"What, that I am pregnant?" Peyton went ahead and said it, getting the white elephant out of the room. "At first no, but now, I am not so sure."

"It wouldn't be so bad would it?" Lucas smiled that boyish smile of his. "I mean I know, Sawyer is just six months old, but we want a big family. Why not start early?"

"Not funny," Peyton said chuckling. "But I am beginning to think we have already started on baby Scott No. 2." Peyton brushed past Lucas and went to their bedroom and lay on the bed. Lucas followed, as usual.

"Do you mind finishing feeding Sawyer her bottle?" Peyton said weakly. "I am just going to close my eyes for a minute."

"Sure, you rest up for a while," Lucas said shifting Sawyer. "Me and "Little Miss" will spend some quality daddy/daughter time together."

Peyton had already closed her eyes and was drifting off to sleep when Lucas walked out of the bedroom. He leaned down and kissed his daughter's blonde head. "How would you feel about a little brother or sister," Lucas asked his daughter with a slight smile.

He noticed his step was just a bit lighter, and a tingling sensation filled his body at the thought of Peyton being pregnant again. This was the role he was suited for - husband and father, and he couldn't believe there was ever a time he dreamed of living this life with anyone else but Peyton.

Peyton drifted to sleep, but it was a fitful slumber. A hazy seen came into focus, as a bright summer day slowly revealed itself. She saw two beautiful blonde girls chasing each other in what looked like a park, and she could hear their laughter. They would be considered stair-step kids, their difference in height barely visible. She felt a warm feeling flood through her as she saw them laugh. Then someone called their name and they went running toward the person's voice. Peyton strained to see who was calling the young girls but the vision began to blur again.

She felt herself toss and turn in the bed and as she began to wake from her nap she heard the voice again. It was a warning, she was sure. The young female voice whispered, "It's not that easy, Peyton. Did you think it would be?"

That brought her straight up in her bed. She was sweating and her breathing was labored. She placed her hand on her flat abdomen, thinking of the child she was sure was growing in her womb. Then she looked past the bedroom doorway where here husband and daughter were spending some quality bonding time, as Lucas called it. The dread wouldn't leave her, and she could feel it weighing on her. A storm was brewing and she wasn't sure if she could weather it this time and who would be its victim.


	7. Chapter 7

There was some good natured ribbing, and snickers, when Lucas and Peyton announced they were expecting their second child to their friends and family. Lucas held his six-month old daughter, Sawyer, in his arms and clasped his wife, Peyton's hand tightly when they announced Peyton was pregnant again.

Brooke squealed, Haley simply offered up a knowing smile and Nathan jumped up and slapped his big brother on the shoulder all the while smiling from ear to ear. Lucas' mom, Karen, cried and vowed she was going to talk Andy into brining her home to Tree Hill. Peyton's dad, Larry, though happy, played the role of worried father, at the knowledge that his only daughter was pregnant again so soon after her first child.

Lucas at first didn't understand Larry's concern, after all, he and Peyton loved each other deeply, they had good stable careers, and they wanted a big family. Then, that night, Lucas was laying his baby daughter in her crib and it hit him. Some day some boy, some guy, was going to take his baby's heart, fill her head with pretty words, and change her life forever. "I suck," Lucas whispered turning his head to the living room where Peyton was tidying up. He then looked down at his baby girl and stroked her soft blonde hair.

"You will always be daddy's girl, right?" Lucas chuckled softly when Sawyer put her thumb in her mouth and began to suck. "Daddy loves you," Lucas told her and then leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Walking into the living room, Lucas saw Peyton curled up on the soft leather black couch. She had a dark blue blanket wrapped around her long shapely legs and he noticed she had a photo album in her lap.

Peyton slowly flipped through the pages, and he heard her laugh softly when she found a photo that amused her. Longing to join her, Lucas walked to the edge of the couch, lifted up her legs, sat down and then placed her feet in his lap.

"Whatcha' looking at?" He asked trying to peer at the photos in the album.

"The past," Peyton said wistfully. "Thinking about now, how we got here and our future."

"It is crazy, isn't it?" Lucas smiled at her. He began rubbing the soles of her feet and he heard Peyton groan in pleasure. "Feel good," he asked knowing the answer to his question before he asked.

"Heaven," Peyton replied. She leaned her head back against the arm of the couch and the photo album slipped slightly from her grasp. Lucas watched as Peyton placed the palm of her hand on the slight bulge of her tummy. She was three months pregnant with their second child and Lucas couldn't imagine her looking for beautiful then she did now.

Looking at the open page of the photo album, Lucas cocked his head and shook it. One of the photos was of the whole group, Lucas, Peyton, Brooke, Chase, Nathan, Haley, Skills, Bevin and the rest on the river court after senior year. Looking at the photo, Lucas thought Peyton was right it was crazy how they got here.

"You ever think about it?" Lucas said absently. "About what would have happened to us if we didn't get this second chance?"

"All the time," Peyton told him. She opened her eyes and saw all the love in the world in her husband's eyes, all for her. Of course, Lucas was talking about when he and Peyton had almost lost each other, how he was set to marry another woman, and how they fought all the odds to find their way back to each other.

Peyton, on the other hand, was thinking of the incident. How she had been given a second chance to have this. She was savoring every moment, sure that at any time, this life, this chance would be taken from her. She was sure of it.

There were so many times she wanted to tell Lucas, to share this with him. But to her, it felt as if knowing what she had lost, knowing what another path held, was a burden she didn't want him to carry as well. But she had it bottled so tight inside her she feared what it would do her if she kept it inside.

"Lucas, she began," biting the inside of her lip. "I have to tell you something," she told him. And she did. Recounting the whole story, wondering when he would call the guys in the white coat to take her off to a rubber room.

"I know it sounds crazy," she said quickly when she finished her story. "But, I also know it wasn't a dream. I know it happened. I know I am here right now with you because of it."

She finished and watched his expression. His brows pinched together and she could tell he was processing what she had said.

"You have to believe me," Peyton added. "You have to." She sat up from the couch and placed her feet on the hardwood floor beneath her. Peyton grasped Lucas' hand and squeezed it tightly. "Baby, talk to me," she pleaded.

"I believe you," Lucas said letting out a deep sigh. "I believe you because it has happened to me too."


	8. Chapter 8

Peyton stared at Lucas in disbelief. Could it be he got his own version of a second chance? Would both of them be so lucky?

"Lucas, I don't understand," Peyton told him in a whisper.

And so Lucas began his story, hoping Peyton would understand. He told her about his longing to just get away after Lindsay left him for the last time, after his uncharacteristic actions on the basketball court and his guilt for telling Peyton he hated her. There were so many instances in which Lucas Scott had become a far cry from the man he strived to be – always hurting the ones he loved and denying his heart's desire.

He told Peyton how his breath caught when he saw her words of love on the river court. Realizing what it must have took out of her to put her whole being out for everyone to see. Yet, his soul was still in denial, his heart cold. So, he packed a bag with the intention of running away to a place that didn't need excuses or ask for forgiveness – Las Vegas.

Lucas had been so tired and just mentally exhausted he found himself nodding off as he sat in one of the hard chairs in the airport. He chuckled a bit when he then told Peyton of his dream – three girls, three different lives. And when he awoke, Lucas knew that the only happy life he would have was with Peyton.

But, his insecurities and fears still plagued him, so instead of buying that extra ticket he so desperately wanted, with the name Peyton Sawyer, he had instead boarded the plane alone.

Las Vegas was cold and lonely Lucas soon realized when he got there. He told Peyton her face was everywhere, and his heart longed for her. During that time, Lucas realized the half-life he was living without her, and he knew it was time to go home and reclaim his heart.

But he waited too long, Lucas told her. Not soon after his decision, Lucas had gotten a call from Haley. She was sobbing uncontrollably and kept pleading for Lucas to come home.

His heart stopped, he felt it, when Haley managed to say "she is gone." And then Haley told him the one thing that Lucas knew would change his life forever. Peyton was gone – she had died.

All those years ago, Peyton had tempted fate and the devil himself running through red lights until Lucas appeared at her car door offering words of advice. Peyton had never run another red light after that day, but that didn't stop others from doing it. On a bright spring day, two days after Lucas left for Las Vegas, Peyton had been on her way to her recording studio in her black comet when a red SUV ran a red light and ended her life and everything she was supposed to be.

Lucas was a mess after that. Before, even when he was hiding what he really wanted, he always knew Peyton would be there. She would always be his Peyton, and if he was truthful with himself, he knew some day there would be a Lucas and Peyton again. That dream was over now.

He came home, attended her funeral in a haze, and never shed a tear. Soon after, Lucas locked himself away in his house and refused to see anyone. After three days, he was lying in bed as the darkness surrounded him and he began to weep, and he couldn't stop.

He would close his eyes and see her green eyes staring back at him. He could feel her lips on his and her body warm and supple beside him. He thought of the future they were supposed to have. Peyton in a white wedding dress smiling as Peyton Sawyer became Peyton Scott. The tears in her eyes when she told him they were pregnant. How she would look lying in bed nursing their child, and all the other tangents of a perfect life.

Now he was alone. And if he was truthful, he could never imagine having that life with anyone else. So, what good was he? Why was he still here when he could never ever be the same again?

"You can change this," Lucas heard a young girl's voice whisper. "If you want it bad enough, you can change it."

And so, Lucas found his life changed, just as Peyton's was. He was given that second chance going back to the airport and call Peyton to come to Vegas with him. And his life was never the way he felt it was supposed to be.

"So, see, Peyton," Lucas said as he reached out his hand and stroked her hair. "I believe you. I got this chance to make things right. We are both here because…" He stopped himself.

How could he tell Peyton he believed the second child she carried was the spirit of the young girl that came to him.

"We are both here because of her," Peyton finished for Lucas as she stroked her slightly protruding abdomen. "I think so too."

"This is crazy isn't it?" Lucas said in half disbelief. "I mean this just doesn't happen."

"I have no idea, Lucas," Peyton told him. "But you are here, I am here and we are making a family." Peyton leaned in and kissed Lucas' cheek. "It is all we can ask for."

Lucas shook his head in agreement and felt happiness wash over him but in the back of his mind he still couldn't shake the feeling that a dark cloud was forming. A dark cloud that would erase everything he and Peyton was building together.


	9. Chapter 9

"Are you sure this is how you want it to end?" The man behind the desk with a crisp three-piece suit asked as he slapped the manuscript on the desk. "Seems a bit.." he stopped himself before continuing.

"Yes," the young man said shaking his head emphatically. "It is how it has to end."

Lucas Scott picked up his brown leather satchel and looped it around his head, resting the strap on his shoulder. He turned to leave, but was called back.

"Lucas," the older man said calling to him. He came around the desk, his brightly polished black shoes making a slapping noise on the marble tile. As Lucas' editor he felt compelled to offer his author one last plea. "It's just that it takes such a turn. I am not sure if your readers will believe it."

"Don't care." Lucas raised his hands high and then slapped them on his thighs. "It isn't about them." Lucas watched his editor's face cringe.

"Look, Richard," Lucas continued. "I know I shouldn't have said that, but it is a story that I need to tell. I just hope everyone can understand where it came from."

"Alright, Lucas," Richard said. "How can I argue with my top best-selling author?"

"You can't," Lucas said as he placed his hand on the doorknob. "I will be seeing you."

Bam, the five words washed over Lucas dragging him back in time, back to his youth. He had just hit the winning shot against Nathan, and she had come to him. She was all wild blonde curls and go to hell attitude, but she was talking to him. At that moment he didn't care if she told him to go to hell too, as long as she acknowledged his existence.

She more then acknowledged, he could see her interest in those deep green eyes. And that is when he boldly told her "I'll be seeing you," and it became part of their lore. What had Brooke once said? It was always Lucas and Peyton. Always….

"What are you going to do to celebrate the completion of your new novel," Richard asked as Lucas opened the door. "I know it is an exciting time for a novelist."

Lucas smiled widely. "I am going home to my girls" He walked out the door and strode through the office building, his feet leading out the door and back to his home. Back to Tree Hill.

Lucas rolled his shoulders as he stood in front of the door. He opened it slowly to hear shrieks of laugher and running through the house. He breathed deeply and smiled. He was home.

"Lucas," a female voice called.

Lucas turned to see a petite brunette approach him. It was his best friend, his sister-in-law and aunt to his children. The one and only Haley James Scott.

"I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow," Haley said as she pulled Lucas into a hug. "But the girls will be thrilled."

Lucas hugged her back. "Where are they," Lucas asked. Already striding into the kitchen.

"Keep going into the kitchen," Haley said. "They are eating some cookies I made."

He walked into the kitchen and saw the two lights of his life. They were enjoying a plate of chocolate chip cookies and their blonde ringlets spilled over their faces.

Sawyer was three and she had this fire about her that Lucas was sure would never be contained. Faith, Sawyer's younger sister by just over a year, was quiet like him and she loved for Lucas to read to her.

"Hey girls," Lucas said. He felt the warmth of life flood over him as the girls jumped down from their chairs and went running toward him. Lucas scooped them up and pulled them close to his chest. He drank in the smell of them and kissed both of them on their blonde heads.

"We missed you, Daddy," Sawyer exclaimed. She kissed him soundly on his cheek.

"Yes, we did," Faith said always following the lead of her sister.

Lucas slid them down and placed them on the floor. He knelt down to their height and kissed them both.

"So, you ready to go?" Lucas asked. "You ready to go see Mommy?"

Both his daughters shook their heads yes. Lucas helped them collect their things and piled them in his light blue SUV. Gone was the Mustang he had driven for years. Lucas was a family man now, and safety always came first for him these days.

Quickly saying goodbye to Haley, Lucas led his daughters to his car.

Looking in the rearview mirror, making sure they were securely fastened in their car seats, he backed out of Nathan and Haley's driveway slowly.

Lucas smiled and laughed lightly as he heard his daughters retell their day to his wife. Sawyer, as the eldest, led the way. She was animated and serious speaking of her grand tea party with her dolls and how Faith messed it up when she spilled the tea. Or how they had helped Aunt Haley make chocolate chip cookies, which they knew was Mommy's favorite.

"They are a handful," Lucas chimed in through all the chatter. He walked closer to the girls and placed his palm on the stone, rubbing it gently. When he did that, he felt as if he was stroking her hair, touching Peyton.

But, it had been over two years since he had held Peyton in his arms. Two years since their daughter Faith was born and two years since he watched the light fade from his wife's eyes and the life leave her body.

Lucas thought more times then he could count about the story she had told him. How she had gotten a second chance, that he had died, and how he had received the same thing. She had told him after the birth of their second daughter, when the doctors informed him she was dying and there was nothing more they could do, that there was a reason for all this. The reason had to be their daughter. She told him he had to have faith.

He didn't believe in faith or a god or anything else when he felt her body go limp. She had held so tightly to his hand as if trying to will life to stay inside her, but she lost the fight.

Lucas raged against everyone and everything for a good three weeks, until Brooke came to him one day. She held his nameless daughter in her arms and told him that Peyton wouldn't want this. She would want him to love their children, to celebrate the lives they had brought in the world and celebrate what they had together.

It was a slow process, but Lucas found his way back. He waited for months for his second chance at a second chance but it never came.

So, he began bringing his daughters to visit their mother, just the way Peyton visited her mother. He encouraged them to tell her about their lives and he always brought a picture of her and sat it on the headstone. Each time it was a different photo of the love of his life and mother of his children.

Today, the photo was of Peyton on their wedding day. She wore a gauzy white dress and her dark blonde hair was pulled back. She wore a wreath of flowers in her hair and she smiled sweetly but also had a hint of mystery in her eyes. Lucas always wondered what she had been thinking when the picture was taken. He had meant to ask her but never got the chance.

After a while, Lucas gathered his daughters up and they headed back to his car. He looked back one last time at the headstone. It read Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer Scott, beloved wife, mother, daughter and best friend. His love for Peyton and hers for him burst Lucas wide open but it healed him as well.

His life would never be the same, he was sure of that. And he would never be whole again, but he had two beautiful daughters that carried the spirit of the love of his life and it filled the chasm slightly left by the whole in his heart when Peyton left.


End file.
